I feel weak

I feel weak, especially after I have left God out of my life for too long time..
Without God, my life is totally a MESS!

Time to pray: '' oh Lord, take the world out of my heart and give me only JESUS! Yes, I want only Jesus!! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.''

主，我需要袮

晚上边听着歌边做着功课时，忽然深深感受到内心的空虚和恐惧…

主啊，我离开袮太久了，是时候回到袮的怀抱。我需要的是内心的平安和真实的安全感！

求袮用袮大能的手医治我妹妹的脚。我知道袮爱她正如袮爱我一样。

只愿祢的旨意成就在她的身上。

回家～回家～～

俗语说得好～『归心似箭』！

我现在就想立刻飞回家去！！XD

明天上完课就可以飞回家庆祝raya咯！
咳……第一次深深地感受到raya的可爱…
简直是枉活了18年嘛我！！ LOL！

明天，我就要回到家的怀抱，再来个与爱人相聚，从此过着幸福快乐的生活～～ ^0^

小心！

昨晚去了Jaeson Ma牧师的concert。

用灵恩和恐怖二词来形容这concert会太过分吗？
感觉上几乎整场的演唱分享会都是用感官的刺激与冲击去影响会众。

一会儿叫会众感受上帝的荣耀，一会儿叫会众体验圣灵的充满和重量…再加上“重量级音乐”…

我个人觉得...
上帝的存在不是为了我们能感受而存在吧？
上帝的荣耀不是为了满足我们的眼目能看见而彰显吧？
圣灵的重量更是人所能承受的吗？
我们根本不配！

而我们竟有何等能耐？能够为了满足人们感官上的要求，而求（抑或命令？！）上帝彰显他的荣耀、祂的重量、祂的存在？

圣经早已说明，人若看见上帝的荣耀和荣光，他就不能再活下去。因为在祂的圣洁光中，罪无法立足。
再者，那没有看见就选择相信，这人何等有福！因为他是凭着信心接受了耶稣基督。


现在的时代太过看重证据。也就是为什么科学被尊崇和高举。科学就是：做实验，看见了结果，有了证据，才做结论，相信并接受它。

但信仰完全是另一回事！信仰是：唯有你相信后，你才可能真正的看见！

上帝要人相信祂，不是因为感官的感觉而相信；乃是要用理性去相信并且接受。

人的位格有三个最重要的元素-理性、情感、意志。

理性就是头脑所知道的。
情感就是人的感受、感觉。
而意志就是人的意念、决定。

这三个元素是相互影响的。
理性和情感都会影响我们的意志。

但是，理性和情感有很大不同之处。

撒旦大都是透过我们的情感去影响我们的意志。
比如说：“抽烟很爽的wor~~”
“酱酱很开心的wor~”
我们为了满足情感上的要求而犯罪。
这也就是为什么圣经会提到罪中之乐吧..

而圣灵很常是透过我们的理性来向我们说话。
当我们读经的时候，圣灵会帮助我们去明白真理。
而真理，当然是要用我们的理性去明白、接受的。

由此看来，用情感的冲击去领人信主，并不合宜吧？
因为情感会隐瞒真理，让人不晓得他们在做什么。
人若要真正的信主，必须是清清楚楚的知道自己在做什么样重要的决定，而不是因为可谓“一时的冲动”而相信。

当然，这并不是说人在信上帝时不会有情感的层面。人在信主时，也会感到得救的喜乐。但最初让他选择降服于上帝主权的，应该是理性，当然还有上帝自己主权的引领。


所以我觉得，现今的教会要小心，不要被这个世界同化了，属灵的事不能透过感觉和证据去证明的。证据属于真理。真理里面可以有证据，但证据不能代表真理。因为在真理本身至高的权威里面，证据根本微不足道。也因此，要相信上帝-这位智慧、真理的本体的存在，不能透过感觉，要靠信心！

在此奉劝各位:在选择某个信仰时，并不是那个信仰有多好，而是那个信仰是不是真的!

有个原则是：『不是因为我相信这个宗教，所以我说它是真的；而是，因为它是真的，所以我选择相信。』

不知道自己所信的到底是否真实，却盲目持守、相信的--叫做迷信！

而不为自己的信仰负责任的人，是失败的人。因为他无视或者压抑上帝在人心中所种植的信神的种子。

The return of the LAzy Blog bender..zzz..

So after all I am still living!! XD but the gap between the last post and now is quite indescribable and impossible to be narrated...(provided I am LAZY..^^ll..)

What I would like to tell is that, now I'm pursuing A-level programme in UCSI, KL.

The era of matriculation and Form 6 is over, maybe with remorse for the Matriculation. I pulled myself out of it because of my stupidity.. and yea, that's all I want to talk about that. Let what is bygone, be bygone!

I strongly believe that for everything and anything happens, God's will IS behind it. ..but of course, the responsibility for any decision made and action taken is still on us! So... DUN MESS UP WITH OUR LIVES! Like what I did... awful..不舒胡～

Now I shall walk steadily on the path of life with the lead of God! CHEERS EVERYONE!

BYE BYE!! T_T

Wuwuwu...

I will be leaving for Labuan on coming Friday, 7.05am flight!!!

Matriculation... the purpose I go there..

No more Mother's Day celebration with mum...
No more...

I AM SAD!~!

晓来谁染霜林醉，总是离人泪... ...

柔和和谦卑的事奉

圣经说基督徒在事奉上帝时该有谦卑和柔和的态度。

然而谦卑、柔和这两个形容词对现代人来说好陌生。而拥有这两种特质的人已成为世上的稀有品种！

为什么我们难以学好谦卑和柔和的功课呢？

1）对柔和谦卑的误会

• 懦弱，没有立场
• 缺强悍，豪迈的形象
• 容易给人欺负

以上种种误会导致我们无法谦卑和柔和。对男士而言，误会更深，以为谦卑柔和就等同懦弱，有损大男人该有的豪迈和男子气概。

告诉大家，遇到不快的事时就动大怒、破口大骂、出言相对、飙高音……谁都做得到，容易得很呢！！！但是要在本来会生气的时候不生气，恐怕需要双倍的力气，十分的难。

所以，当一个人在与你发生冲突的时候，不要以为你骂得较凶而感到开心，不要因为对方选择沉默而沾沾自喜地以为自己赢了。沉默的那一方拥有你双倍的能耐！

柔和比狂妄费力；比放纵还要坚强。



风是柔的，但它拥有风化山石的力量。









水是软的，却拥有腐蚀石头的能力。





柔中带刚，就是这个意思。

2）为何无法柔和谦卑

• 怕输
• 自卑
• 骄傲
• 心急
• 被不合理对待

多数人就是怕输，输不起、爱面子，以为谦卑等于赢不了，柔和等于认输。这种人赢得了别人却输给了自己。赢不了自己的人终究还是赢不了什么。
而骄傲也是另个致命伤。太在意别人的眼光，怕别人认为我们什么都不会，所以摆起不必要的架子。有什么益处呢？

『在众人之下对你无损害，但是你若自视在一人之上，就会对你造成极大损害。』

Dietrich Bonhoeffer(1906-1945)

退一步，海阔天空；
让三分，心平气和。

结：

『基督对为大的教训，精髓就在于：人真正的为大必须在品格上，而非能力或地位上。』
『一个没有在神面前谦卑的人，永远都不会成为真正的敬拜者。』

A.W. Tozer(1897-1963)

『我心里柔和谦卑，你们当负我的轭，学我的样式；这样，你们心里就必得享安息。』

（马太福音11：29）

做人要做低调高能的人！！
而不是高调低能儿～
声音大大、高高调调，头脑简单…… ^O^

p/s: 以上是从教会讲台信息的得着，只想与大家分享，没有任何针对和挖苦的成份～ XD

Sometimes, I wish I were an angel

Sometimes, I really wish I were an angel~~~

Look like an angel...
Sing like an angel...
Act like an angel...

Although many have told me that our looks aren't the most important, the physical appearance isn't all that matter...
The Bible also says that God judges people based on their inner side, and our looks are precious and special as they are created by God..

...but sometimes I do think of the difference I can make if I had a better look..
dreaming of becoming more handsome and the unnecessary of making up?! XD
and ever longing for the little ugly duckling to turn into a beautiful, charming swan. Haha!! Such a childish yee.. but can't help of having this kind of thought.. zzz

Somebody, please, wake me up!! LOL!!! WHAT AM I BLATTERING?! Aduh duh duh...

Good night~! HAHA!!! XD

I am back~~!!

I arrived in Miri from Kuching last Saturday, but only NOW I got time for blogging~~ =.=lll

REPORT:
Everything ran smoothly in Kuching, including the interview. Hehe... luckily I gt some experience from JPA interview, if not sure died deadly. The interviewers this time were even more....... ??!! Hahaha!!

Anyway, I had a great time with friends.. Thomas, Alice, Bonnie, Kelvin... However, we had no time to play and watch 3D movie as planned... sad case..
Never mind, sure got chance next time. :)

And, I tio MATRICKS (Labuan) !! XD XD
A piece of good news for me since many din gt it but I am the lucky one. Haha, must thanks God!!!
But now I am still deciding whether to go or not?
Date for registration is 10th of May...
Haiz... coming soon, decision yet to be made...
PRAY HARD!!!!

没那么简单～

没那么简单....

原本一切都已经决定好了，下个拜六一到，我就将在KL出现，去UCSI读我的A level~

现在竟然跟我杀出一个PETRONAS的camp...和INTERVIEW!!!??? H.A.T.E!!!
Haiz...机会千载难逢...不应错过...可是如果这样，之前的计划全部作废。KL的UCSI有可能要延迟...
烦啊～～～

上帝啊，救救我吧！为我开路～ >.<
连blogging都没心情了.....zzzzzzzzz

Interview is over. Game Over.

Interview is finally over...

How was I doing?
Haiz... Don't want to talk about it anymore...


I am NOT SOCIABLE and this is my LETHAL WEAKNESS!!

Nevermind, feel easy.. just take it as my experience~

每一次的失败，是迈向成功的阶梯。

Haha!! I am so optimistic~~ XD

April Fool~~~ SUCCESSFOOL!!!

1st of April, what an interesting day~~ HEHEHE!! (*evil*)

But I haven't cheated or "played" anyone yet.. >.<
Now the time is 2.++pm...
People said, after 12pm, cheating and "playing" people is considered ILLEGAL already..

LOL am I just too late??!!

LESSON LEARNT: We should never let go any chance, or else, we will regret in the future... LOL!!

Anyway, today really is a nice day.
This morning I went back to my secondary school(Chung Hua..quite miss it) to settle and certify those documents for the interview.
Everything runs extraordinarily SMOOTH!! God's lead is just too amazing! When I need to see Mr Thoo, he appeared, just in time! And he's too kind~~! XD (before that I was still afraid that he would be annoyed, but he didn't..hehe..maybe I am just too cute for him!)

And then, I went to see the school counselor and asked for help-write a recommendation for me to apply UCSI scholarship.

Guess what?! I thought it would be very troublesome but I was wrong, TOTALLY WRONG! XD THANKS GOD ONCE AGAIN!

I asked Mdm Wong Chie Kiong to write the recommendation for me but....
INSTEAD, SHE ASKED ME TO WRITE A DRAFT OF THE RECOMMENDATION, LET HER CHECKED, THEN SHE COPIED IT INTO THE FORM, SIGNED, AND EVERYTHING IS DONE... !!! LOL!!! SO EASY!! XD

However..after all...I was recommending myself...LOL!!! Should this be a secret??! Shhh....(purposely use the light text colour so this secret is hard to be discovered and revealed...*_*)

Hahaha!! To conclude, today is a very SUCESSFOOL DAY~ XD
Happy April Fool~~~

InterBiew!!!

OH NO OH NO!!!

I am selected to the JPA interview!! ...but I really didn't expect that~!!
I applied it in the beginning just to prevent myself from feeling regret in the future that I let go a golden chance... but now...I NEED TO GO FOR AN INTERVIEW??!!!

Oh dear...I am the kind which is not sociable... My brain maybe is good for study but it's not fast enough for me to answer any question asked by the interviewer accurately and well!! ...zzz...

And what?? I AM NOT GOOD IN SPEAKING ENGLISSSHHH!!!
Even in Chinese I can't communicate well with people, now I need to speak ENGLISH?!

AND!!! This is what I heard from them...those interviewer will ask HARD-TO-ANSWER QUESTIONS!!!!
Examples of "HTA questions":
1) What's a doctor? Define doctor...(I applied the scholarship for medicine course..)

2) Male has how many bones??!! How about female??!! How many teeth does a person have??!! (What kind of questions are these??!!!!!!!!!)

3) Tell me about yourself. (Well, this is not a question..but I hate this too!! I dunno how to introduce myself well!!! ....er...hello...I am Phan....from Miri...I wan to become a doctor...so give me the money.....!!? LOL!! XD)

4) Why do you want to become a doctor? ( the answer "I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE AND SAVE THEIR LIVES" is way too common!! zzz What should I answer?? ...because I love BLOOD!!)

5) (They will also ask you about the recent issues and news, about politics and anything... I DUN READ NEWSPAPER!!! That's my problem!!! My bad.... ah...still have to know those titles of the people like Dato, YB, Nenek.... >.<)

Argh, nervous.. oh yeah!! Forgot to tell you all...MY INTERVIEW WILL BE NEXT MONDAY!!! The FIRST DAY indeed compared to the other batches.. haiz..



Oh God, my Heavenly Father,
Please grant me the wisdom I need to go through this..
If it's Your will to let me get the scholarship, thank You and please lead me..
Or if it's Your will just to let me see how does an interview look like and give me a chance to cope with it, please use this chance to mold me into stronger person with greater wisdom, boldness and courage.
Thank you..

有谁知道？

有谁知道我有多烦？？谁谁？？？谁谁谁？？？？？
EmoKing!

上帝啊，唯有你知道，帮助孩子行在你的道路上吧！！

第十六届短训

六个星期的短训就这样结束了，刚开始时还以为六个星期的时间会很难过，是种折磨...现在却为当时的想法感到好笑..舍不得啊！！！时间怎么就过得那么快！？

六个星期，我敢说这是我这一生都无法忘记的一段日子...和朋友一起胡闹，一起学习，一起成长，一起下厨，一起经历上帝的带领...要用文字与言语表达所经历到的一切，实在是没法子的...只能确定,要是我没有在我有生之年把这六个星期献上给主的话，我所失去的将是我无法想象的..

既然无法把所经历的都表达出来，唯有在往后的日子回忆起这段美好的时光时，心存感恩，感谢上帝拣选了我，让我在这六个星期里被陶造，被装备，被激励，被照就。更感恩的是，能够与其他十五个学员+两个同工相处，上帝把他们放在我生命当中，成了不可磨灭的光彩，那份友谊，我盼望能持续到永远!!

回忆的种子：
http://hong-secretworld.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-post.html

http://hong-secretworld.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.html

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=808487&id=1536682747&comments=&alert=#!/photo.php?pid=808487&id=1536682747&comments=&fbid=1325266941866

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1325307542881

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1325343343776

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?comments&v=1326144083794

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=808487&id=1536682747&comments&alert#!/profile.php?id=100000048957078&ref=ts

I am back!!!!

我回来咯～～～

两年过去了，时间过得蛮快的嘛！！
两年就这么“留白”了... ... LOL!!
咳...没办法，太懒了，懒得每天在博客打滚，只好让它在这里生蜘蛛网...

这次回来了不知会维持多久...“但愿人长久”...

话说回来，看看以前的posts后，发现自己有比较成熟了...
(换句话说，发现两年前的我很幼稚...)=.=
值得向上帝感恩啦，至少这两年不是白活的!! 有成长！！！！！ XD

接下来的日子就偶尔回来看看写写吧，因为总觉得不会有什么人来看我的博客的啦～～～ >.<
况且写博客的动机也只不过想让自己有个将思想整理成文字的空间，或当作“诉苦与发泄”的管道...(人总有情绪的嘛..)
但如果你看到了......你有福啦！！！！因为你是属于1/1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000...probability 里面的那位!
愿上帝大大赐福于你～～！！！ ^0^